It was a dark and stormy night…well it was last Sunday evening when I realized the most haunting question that every Breitbart binge reader [like myself] wants answered: Shapiro or Yiannopoulos? Thus began the great showdown between the two Titans.

Vote in the big showdown between @benshapiro and @nero! Ben’s currently got a crushing lead! https://t.co/zxhedl1YtJ

— Kelly Campagna (@warriorwoman91) November 16, 2015

@warriorwoman91 fiend! I admire them both! This poll is pure evil. 😜❤️❤️ @benshapiro @Nero

— Misty Callahan (@MistyACallahan) November 16, 2015

 

The stakes were high–the winner of this great election would be forever known as the king of Twitter and would henceforth be referred to as “his excellency.” Even from the beginning Twitter fans were aghast at the daunting task set before them: to choose between the man who shapiroed Piers Morgan right off of CNN or the man who wipes the floor with feminist faces on a daily basis.

@warriorwoman91 @benshapiro @Nero Who is the evil person that is even forcing us to choose. I live in the West where things are awesome.

— Deviant Sophist (@DeviantSophist) November 16, 2015

 

@warriorwoman91 @benshapiro @Nero Why isn’t there an “All of the above” option? This is too hard!

— Cameron Hovenkamp (@HovenkampC) November 16, 2015

 

Seeing as how my followers tend to favor our dear leader Ben Shapiro, it was no surprise that early polling placed him in a startling lead over Yiannopoulos. When I reached out to @Nero for comment he seemed unusually willing to concede to Shapiro…but this of course was all part of his devious plan.

I graciously concede to @benshapiro on this one. https://t.co/gpnyGzAASA

— Milo Yiannopoulos (@Nero) November 16, 2015

 

Shapiro himself did not seem to see himself as the clear winner this early on in the game considering Yiannopoulos’ royal heritage.

Fairly certain the British accent puts @Nero over the top. https://t.co/uuAnW8QRJK

— Ben Shapiro (@benshapiro) November 16, 2015

 

Then the election went gangbusters as each side pulled out all the stops in the attempt to prove who was more popular on Twitter. Fans evaluated hair length, eyebrows, hair style, upper lips…oh yeah and debate skillz.

The mudslinging continues as the great @benshapiro makes his bid to unseat @nero & claim the title “his excellency.” https://t.co/zxhedl1YtJ

— Kelly Campagna (@warriorwoman91) November 16, 2015

 

Ben Shapiro hands down! But Milo has better hair. https://t.co/0VsZ9ZVahK

— Atheist_Elanor (@Atheist_Elanor) November 16, 2015

 

@warriorwoman91 @benshapiro Hmm. It all comes down to the upper lip for me, and @Nero has it.

— BL_Abba (@BL_Abba) November 16, 2015

 

@warriorwoman91 I’m going with @benshapiro, and obviously my vote has nothing to do with hair, because @Nero wins that battle hands down.

— Trevor Norris (@TNorrisYEG) November 16, 2015

 

@warriorwoman91 @benshapiro @Nero Them eyebrows though.

— Atheist_Elanor (@Atheist_Elanor) November 16, 2015

 

@Atheist_Elanor @warriorwoman91 @benshapiro @Nero I say Milos @nero hair needs its own twitter account. But Shapiros debating skills tops

— Mariella Madrid (@MariellaMadrid) November 16, 2015

 

Suddenly the great election of 2015 took a turn in the other direction, and Yiannopoulos began pulling ahead so fast he had to apologize to Shapiro for knocking him over on the way.

Sorry about it @benshapiro https://t.co/gpnyGzAASA

— Milo Yiannopoulos (@Nero) November 16, 2015

 

IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE! The man that came to fame by intellectually destroying one Brit on live T.V. was being trounced in an election with another.

I can’t believe I’m getting beaten by a Brit, @Nero. Revenge for @PiersMorgan? https://t.co/uuAnW8QRJK

— Ben Shapiro (@benshapiro) November 16, 2015

 

As the election came down to the wire, I contacted the unions to drag people to the polls and get them to cast their ballots!

Keep on voting ppl! @benshapiro is strong on the issues but exit polls show @Nero connecting more w/the common man https://t.co/zxhedl1YtJ

— Kelly Campagna (@warriorwoman91) November 16, 2015

 

.@warriorwoman91 it’s gotta be @benshapiro. Don’t even know what the q is, but he’s the answer. Sorry, @Nero

— Moshe Hill (@themohill) November 16, 2015

 

Even my mom got involved!

@warriorwoman91 @benshapiro @Nero I learn a lot from Ben.

— Kim Campagna (@2bits4) November 16, 2015

 

While many of my own followers rallied for Shapiro, it was clear that Yiannopoulos’ cult following was much more passionate…and nefarious.

Keep on voting! Rumor has us that @Nero is bussing in illegals to solidify his lead. @benshapiro‘s camp cries foul! https://t.co/zxhedl1YtJ

— Kelly Campagna (@warriorwoman91) November 17, 2015

 

Never underestimate the ingenuity of a Brit, as Yiannopoulos’ hair pushed him far over the top in a crushing defeat of the man who made shapiroing a verb!

The question Breitbart readers all over the world want answered. @benshapiro @nero

— Kelly Campagna (@warriorwoman91) November 16, 2015

I announced Yiannopoulos’ victory to the masses, which was met with cries of joy and rapture from some and suspicion from others.

Yiannopoulos wins! @benshapiro supporters calling for recount; say @nero had unfair advantage w/his fabulous hair!https://t.co/zxhedl1YtJ

— Kelly Campagna (@warriorwoman91) November 17, 2015

 

 

In the end Shapiro conceded to the simple fact that in a Twitter election, hair is everything.

Brit w/ great hair > American with not-great hair https://t.co/QHIwH5i1J7

— Ben Shapiro (@benshapiro) November 17, 2015

 

In conclusion, based on my findings I would highly recommend all current and future presidential candidates immediately stampede to their hair stylists and bleach their hair Yiannopoulos blonde, as anything otherwise could cost them their elections too!