Recapping the Great Election between @BenShapiro and @Nero (Guess Who Won!)

It was a dark and stormy night…well it was last Sunday evening when I realized the most haunting question that every Breitbart binge reader [like myself] wants answered: Shapiro or Yiannopoulos? Thus began the great showdown between the two Titans.


The stakes were high–the winner of this great election would be forever known as the king of Twitter and would henceforth be referred to as “his excellency.” Even from the beginning Twitter fans were aghast at the daunting task set before them: to choose between the man who shapiroed Piers Morgan right off of CNN or the man who wipes the floor with feminist faces on a daily basis.



Seeing as how my followers tend to favor our dear leader Ben Shapiro, it was no surprise that early polling placed him in a startling lead over Yiannopoulos. When I reached out to @Nero for comment he seemed unusually willing to concede to Shapiro…but this of course was all part of his devious plan.


Shapiro himself did not seem to see himself as the clear winner this early on in the game considering Yiannopoulos’ royal heritage.


Then the election went gangbusters as each side pulled out all the stops in the attempt to prove who was more popular on Twitter. Fans evaluated hair length, eyebrows, hair style, upper lips…oh yeah and debate skillz.







Suddenly the great election of 2015 took a turn in the other direction, and Yiannopoulos began pulling ahead so fast he had to apologize to Shapiro for knocking him over on the way.


IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE! The man that came to fame by intellectually destroying one Brit on live T.V. was being trounced in an election with another.


As the election came down to the wire, I contacted the unions to drag people to the polls and get them to cast their ballots!



Even my mom got involved!


While many of my own followers rallied for Shapiro, it was clear that Yiannopoulos’ cult following was much more passionate…and nefarious.


Never underestimate the ingenuity of a Brit, as Yiannopoulos’ hair pushed him far over the top in a crushing defeat of the man who made shapiroing a verb!

I announced Yiannopoulos’ victory to the masses, which was met with cries of joy and rapture from some and suspicion from others.



In the end Shapiro conceded to the simple fact that in a Twitter election, hair is everything.


In conclusion, based on my findings I would highly recommend all current and future presidential candidates immediately stampede to their hair stylists and bleach their hair Yiannopoulos blonde, as anything otherwise could cost them their elections too!


One thought on “Recapping the Great Election between @BenShapiro and @Nero (Guess Who Won!)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s