via Joke-Archives
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:
Merry Christmas. Happy Chanukah. Good Kwanzaa. Blessed Yule. Happy Holidays!!!! (unless otherwise prohibited by law) **Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.
by Martin Bell
Once upon a time in a large forest there lived a very furry bunny. He had one lop ear, a tiny black nose, and unusually shiny eyes. His name was Barrington. Barrington was not really a very handsome bunny. He was brown and speckled and his ears didn’t stand up right. But he could hop, and he was, as I have said, very furry.
In a way, winter is fun for bunnies. After all, it gives them an opportunity to hop in the snow and then turn around to see where they have hopped. So, in a way, winter was fun for Barrington.
But in another way winter made Barrington sad. For, you see, winter marked the time where all of the animal families got together in their cozy homes to celebrate Christmas. He could hop, and he was very furry. But as far as Barrington knew, he was the only bunny in the forest.
When Christmas Eve finally came, Barrington did not feel like going home all by himself. So he decided he would hop for awhile in the clearing at the center of the forest.
Hop. Hop. Hippity-hop. Barrington made tracks in the fresh snow.
Hop. Hop. Hippity-hop. Then he cocked his head and looked back at the wonderful designs he had made.
“Bunnies,” he thought to himself, “can hop. And they are very warm, too, because of how furry they are.”
(But Barrington didn’t really know whether or not this was true of all bunnies, since he had never met another bunny.)
When it got too dark to see the tracks he was making, Barrington made up his mind to go home.
On his way, however, he passed a large oak tree. High in the branches there was a great deal of excited chattering going on. Barrington looked up. It was a squirrel family! What a marvelous time they seemed to be having.
“Hello, up there,” called Barrington.
“Hello, down there,” came the reply.
“Having a Christmas party?” asked Barrington.
“Oh, yes!” answered the squirrels. “It’s Christmas Eve. Everybody is having a Christmas party!”
“May I come to your party?” said Barrington softly.
“Are you a squirrel?”
“No.”
“What are you, then?”
“A bunny.”
“A bunny?”
“Yes.”
“Well, how can you come to the party if you’re a bunny? Bunnies can’t climb trees.”
“That’s true,” said Barrington thoughtfully. “But I can hop and I’m very furry and warm.”
“We’re sorry,” called the squirrels. “We don’t know anything about hopping and being furry, but we do know that in order to come to our house you have to be able to climb trees.”
“Oh, well,” said Barrington. “Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas,” chattered the squirrels.
And the unfortunate bunny hopped off toward his tiny house.
It was beginning to snow when Barrington reached the river. Near the river bank was a wonderfully constructed house of sticks and mud. Inside there was singing.
“It’s the beavers,” thought Barrington. “Maybe they will let me come to their party.”
And so he knocked on the door.
“Who’s out there?” called a voice.
“Barrington Bunny,” he replied.
There was a long pause and then a shiny beaver head broke the water.
“Hello, Barrington,” said the beaver.
“May I come to your Christmas party?” asked Barrington.
The beaver thought for awhile and then he said, “I suppose so. Do you know how to swim?”
“No,” said Barrington, “but I can hop and I am very furry and warm.”
“Sorry,” said the beaver. “I don’t know anything about hopping and being furry, but I do know that in order to come to our house you have to be able to swim.”
“Oh, well,” Barrington muttered, his eyes filling with tears. “I suppose that’s true-Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas,” called the beaver. And he disappeared beneath the surface of the water.
Even as furry as he was, Barrington was starting to get cold. And the snow was falling so hard that his tiny, bunny eyes could scarcely see what was ahead of him.
He was almost home, however, when he heard the excited squeaking of field mice beneath the ground.
“It’s a party,” thought Barrington. And suddenly he blurted out through his tears, “Hello, field mice. This is Barrington Bunny. May I come to your party?”
But the wind was howling so loudly and Barrington was sobbing so much that no one heard him.
And when there was no response at all, Barrington just sat down in the snow and began to cry with all his might.
“Bunnies,” he thought, aren’t any good to anyone. What good is it to be furry and to be able to hop if you don’t have any family on Christmas Eve?”
Barrington cried and cried. When he stopped crying he began to bite on his bunny’s foot, but he did not move from where he was sitting in the snow.
Suddenly, Barrington was aware he was not alone. He looked up and strained his shiny eyes to see who was there.
To his surprise he saw a great silver wolf. The wolf was large and strong and his eyes flashed fire. He was the most beautiful animal Barrington had ever seen.
For a long time the silver wolf didn’t say anything at all. He just stood there and looked at Barrington with those terrible eyes.
Then slowly and deliberately the wolf spoke. “Barrington,” he asked in a gentle voice, “why are you sitting in the snow?”
“Because it’s Christmas Eve,” said Barrington, “and I don’t have any family, and bunnies aren’t any good to anyone.”
“Bunnies are, too, good,” said the wolf. “Bunnies can hop and they are very warm.”
“What good is that?” Barrington sniffed.
“It is very good indeed,” the wolf went on, “because it is a gift that bunnies are given, a free gift with no strings attached. And every gift that is given to anyone is given for a reason. Someday you will see why it is good to hop and to be warm and furry.”
“But it’s Christmas,” moaned Barrington, “and I’m all alone. I don’t have any family at all.”
“Of course you do,” replied the great silver wolf. “All of the animals in the forest are your family.”
And then the wolf disappeared. He simply wasn’t there. Barrington had only blinked his eyes, and when he looked-the wolf was gone.
“All of the animals in the forest are my family,” thought Barrington. “It’s good to be a bunny. Bunnies can hop. That’s a gift.” And then he said it again. “A gift. A free gift.”
On in the night Barrington worked. First he found the best stick he could. (And that was difficult because of the snow.)
Then hop. Hop. Hippity-hop. To beaver’s house. He left the stick just outside the door. With a note on it that read: “Here is a good stick for your house. It is a gift. A free gift. No strings attached. Signed, a member of your family.”
“It is a good thing that I can hop, he thought, “because the snow is very deep.”
Then Barrington dug and dug. Soon he had gathered together enough dead leaves and grass to make the squirrels’ nest warmer. Hop. Hop. Hippity-hop.
He laid the grass and leaves just under the large oak tree and attached this message: “A gift. A free gift. From a member of your family.”
It was late when Barrington finally started home. And what made things worse was that he knew a blizzard was beginning.
Hop. Hop. Hippity-hop.
Soon poor Barrington was lost. The wind howled furiously, and it was very, very cold. “It certainly is cold,” he said out loud. “It’s a good thing I’m so furry. But if I don’t find my way home pretty soon I might freeze!”
Squeak. Squeak. . . .
And then he saw it-a baby field mouse lost in the snow. And the little mouse was crying.
“Hello, little mouse,” Barrington called.
“Don’t cry. I’ll be right there.” Hippity-hop, and Barrington was beside the tiny mouse.
“I’m lost,” sobbed the little fellow. “I’ll never find my way home, and I know I’m going to freeze.”
“You won’t freeze,” said Barrington. “I’m a bunny and bunnies are very furry and warm. You stay right where you are and I’ll cover you up.”
Barrington lay on top of the little mouse and hugged him tight. The tiny fellow felt himself surrounded by warm fur. He cried for awhile but soon, snug and warm, he fell asleep.
Barrington had only two thoughts that long, cold night. First he thought, “It’s good to be a bunny. Bunnies are very furry and warm.” And then, when he felt the heart of the tiny mouse beating regularly, he thought, “All the animals in the forest are my family.”
Next morning, the field mice found their little boy, asleep in the snow, warm and snug beneath the furry carcass of a dead bunny. Their relief and excitement was so great that they didn’t even think to question where the bunny had come from. And as for the beavers and the squirrels, they still wonder which member of their family left the little gift for them that Christmas Eve.
After the field mice had left, Barrington’s frozen body simply lay in the snow. There was no sound except that of the howling wind. And no one anywhere in the forest noticed the great silver wolf who came to stand beside that brown, lop-eared carcass.

But the wolf did come.
And he stood there.
Without moving or saying a word.
All Christmas Day.
Until it was night.
And then he disappeared into the forest.”
You’ve all heard the Democratic narrative that Republicans need to make themselves more appealing to Hispanic voters in order to win elections right? Well apparently some our alleged conservatives from years past have taken this narrative to heart. The most popular Republicans following the 2012 elections were Representative Paul Ryan from Wisconsin and Senator Marco Rubio from Florida. Since then Marco Rubio has done everything, and I mean everything, to pass an amnesty bill, up to and including lying to the American populace regarding its so-called border security measures.
Although the Senate bill passed into the House–like a gall-stone–it has been named dead on arrival. Unfortunately another chess piece, namely the tarnished white knight Paul Ryan, has been rumored to have his own version of the amnesty bill to be brought up before the House in the hopes that it will go to conference and ultimately pass into law. All this in the name of, “I want to run for president in 2016.”
Of course the idea that Democrats want to help Republicans by offering up one of their largest voting blocks is absolutely absurd, but shall we fast forward to today’s politics. Both Paul Ryan and Marco Rubio have had their approval ratings plummet, falling several points behind Tea Party favorites such as Ted Cruz and Rand Paul, and even the massively progressive Chris Christie (must be embarrassing). So now we see Marco Rubio turning around and denouncing his own amnesty bill in fear that in an attempt to “win Hispanics” he has angered his conservative base.
The most promising bit of political analysis is actually (shockingly) found in Ken Cuccinelli’s defeat in the race for Virginia governor. Cuccinelli was known by the media as a sure fired loser. Double digits behind his opponent as Democrats poured money into both their candidate and even a Libertarian to sway votes away, there was absolutely no way Cuccinelli could ever dream of winning…until three days before the election. Suddenly, Cuccinelli sweeps up in the polls and despite the DNC, the Libertarians, and even the RNC opposing him, he almost won the Virginia governorship just by being conservative and taking a stand against Obamacare. Perhaps alleged losers like Paul Ryan and Marco Rubio should stop acting like Democrats and start fulfilling campaign promises by being conservative.
“The board is set. The pieces are moving.” -J.R.R. Tolkien
Remember 2010.
I once got into a discussion on Facebook with a friend of mine from high school
regarding the history of oil and gas prices. He believes that “green” energy is the only way to become energy independent and that the U.S. is unfairly using more than it’s share of the world’s oil, citing the alleged fact that we produce 20% of the supply but use 80% of it. This was my rather lengthy reply.
In 1973 the Nixon administration (yes a Republican) began over-regulating the production of oil in the U.S. making it necessary to increase foreign imports (up to 35% of U.S. consumption). In the same year, the U.S. sent military assistance to Israel who had been attacked by members of OPEC. In retaliation OPEC placed an oil embargo on the U.S. and increased the price for other nations by 70%. Oil in the U.S. then had to be rationed to the people (you could only get gas at certain times, and never on Sundays).
Since then, more and more regulations have been put on U.S. production of oil starting with Carter’s MEOW initiative and creation of the Department of Energy, making it harder and harder to drill for domestic oil and causing us to be more and more dependent on foreign oil. This is not, as some would have us believe, because we are “running out of oil.” The U.S. is sitting on one of the largest oil reservoirs in the world, an estimated 2.3 trillion barrels (300 years) worth to be exact. It is current technology and excessive regulation that is preventing us from getting at it.
The 20% and 80% figures that the Obama used in his reelection speech are blatantly stretched considering that those figures only apply to current tapped reserves; they do not include the amount of oil that is not being drilled or used in the current economy. So yes the U.S. government is being selfish because we refuse to drill for our own oil and would rather drain the supplies of other nations instead.
Special thanks to: Buy and Hold, Antenna Group, and Kiplinger.
What in the world do government and mistletoe have in common? Actually, quite a lot. Mistletoe is a parasite that sucks nutrients out of its host tree–I should know with how much is in my backyard. Usually the tree is large enough to handle the loss of some of its nutrients. However when the mistletoe grows so large that it takes more than the host tree can provide, they both ultimately wither and die.
The same story is true with government. In this case, government is the parasite that sucks finances in the form of taxes out of the private sector–again I should know since I pay all of my own taxes. Healthy economies maintain a small government that they can afford to sustain. However, current administrations, from Greece to Italy to the United States, have rapidly expanded their governments at the expense of their economies. As we look in the case of ancient Rome, the outcome of bloated government is the same as that of the bloated mistletoe tree: death.
Just look at the 2013 government shutdown. 83% of government was still up and running, but who came to the rescue of the other 17%? Of course it was the private sector. Private charities stepped up to fund military death benefits. The RNC offered to fund the World War II memorial for 30 days. Whenever the government needs or wants something, it always turns to the private sector for more and more and more taxes. I’d say it’s time to trim the government mistletoe so we can have a healthier economic tree.